


Goofyass Wizard School

by asailedsteamboat



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: also there's no shipping in this one folks, cody is a rich athlete slytherin, homiesexual if u will, noel is a chill ass hufflepuff, strictly bromosexual, thanks to tastes-like-piss on tumblr for the character ideas, they are still Somehow Friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-05-19 19:57:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19363270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asailedsteamboat/pseuds/asailedsteamboat
Summary: Despite the fact that Cody is a rich kid destined for the Quidditch field and Noel is a Muggleborn just trying to find a way to chill, they get along pretty well.it's a Hogwarts au y'all!





	1. Wizards and their fuckin' toads

Cody stood eagerly at the entrance to Platform 9 ¾ with his oversized suitcase in tow, barely concealing an enormous grin. His parents had already stepped through the invisible doorway to the station, but Cody had insisted on going through by himself. _I don’t need you to hold my hand_ , he had insisted. Plus, it was Hogwarts tradition to take your first running start through the space between Platforms 9 and 10 on your own. That’s what he had told his parents, anyway. They had given in pretty quickly once they saw the determined look on Cody’s face, the one that meant he was going to get his way whether they agreed to it or not. He was pretty good at convincing people to do what he wanted them to. He wondered what House that put him in. Guess he’d see in a few hours.

  
He tightened his grip on his suitcase and pushed his hair out of his eyes, preparing himself to take a running start at the wall, when he felt a sudden hand on his shoulder. He jumped and whirled around to see another kid in front of him, his hand frozen midair. He looked about the same age as him, also carrying a large suitcase, as well as another, smaller type of carrier Cody hadn’t seen before. He had tan skin and short, neat black hair, in contrast to Cody’s messy brown locks. He also had light hazel eyes that were now staring at Cody with a look of concern, as well as more than a little amusement.

  
“Sorry for scaring you, man,” the boy said, clearly trying to keep the laughter out of his voice and failing.

  
Cody flushed and said, too quickly, “No, it’s okay. I just didn’t see you there.”

  
_Well, obviously, dumbass._

  
Cody tried to push away his embarrassment. “Are you going to Hogwarts t-?” Cody stopped in his tracks when he noticed the kid was wearing clearly Muggle clothing. Comfortably too, unlike most wizard children. “Um, I mean,” he stammered, scrambling to think of a quick cover story to mask the existence of an entire magical school, and by extension, world, from this random Muggle kid. It was understandably difficult.

  
However, the other boy’s eyes widened with recognition at the mention of Hogwarts. “Yeah, I am!” he said, noticeably relaxing. “That’s what I was going to ask you, actually.” The boy pulled a train ticket out of his back pocket and held it out for Cody to see.

  
_Platform 9 ¾, King’s Cross Station, 8:30am._ Same as his.

  
Cody looked back at him with confusion. “What’s wrong with it?” Cody asked.

  
“Well, I’ve been to King’s Cross a few times with my mom, and I’m pretty sure they don’t have quarter platforms.” The boy said it jokingly, but Cody could sense the worry in his tone. It was then he noticed that the boy was standing alone in the station. His comfort wearing Muggle clothes, the strange carrier Cody had never seen before, not knowing about Platform 9 ¾. Cody finally pieced it all together just before blurting out, “Oh, you’re Muggleborn!”

  
_Way too loud._

  
He looked around nervously, but no one was paying attention to them, thank god.

  
The boy’s eyebrows furrowed as he considered it. “I guess so,” he said after a moment. “My parents aren’t magic, if that’s what you mean.”

  
Cody nodded knowingly. “That makes sense, then.” He nodded to the space between Platforms 9 and 10. “It’s right through there. They keep it hidden so Muggles don’t accidentally get on the wrong train.” He gathered up his suitcase. “Race me?” His tone was light, but there was a hint of competition in his eyes. The other boy’s eyes flashed to what appeared to be a very solid concrete wall.

  
“You’re sure?” he said doubtfully.

  
“Yeah man, my parents are already waiting on the other side. Probably getting worried that I’m taking so long.”

  
“Does the, um…” the other boy motioned to the space between the platforms, “work for pets too?,” he asked, motioning to the carrier Cody hadn’t been able to identify.

  
He looked in the carrier (cage? He wasn’t sure) to see a small black and brown dog looking up at him and trembling slightly. Cody’s eyes widened. “That’s Ollie,” the other wizard said, a small smile on his face. “My parents let me bring him to school with me so I wouldn’t get so homesick.”

  
“Oh,” Cody said, dumbfounded. “Um, I’m pretty sure it works for pets. I don’t think anyone has brought a dog through in a while, though.”

  
“Oh.” The other boy looked confused. “Are they not allowed? It didn’t say anything about dogs in the letters.”

  
Cody shrugged helplessly. “It’s not that you can’t, it’s just that everyone brings either an owl, a cat, or a toad, if you’re unlucky.”

  
At that, the other boy laughed. “A toad? You’re telling me more people bring _toads_ as their pets than dogs?”

  
Cody shrugged again, but he was laughing too. “Maybe it’s a wizard thing, I don’t know.”

  
The other boy scoffed. “You wizards and your fuckin’ toads.”

  
Cody laughed even harder at that.

  
People were actually beginning to look questioningly in their direction now, and Cody took that as their signal to leave. Also, they were definitely going to be late if they didn’t get to the platform soon, and he didn’t want to miss the train to Hogwarts on his first year. “So, are you ready to go… um…” Shit, he didn’t even know this kid’s name yet.

  
Luckily, the other boy seemed to understand where Cody was going and said, “My name’s Noel, by the way. Noel Miller.”

  
Cody smiled, relieved. “I’m Cody. Cody Kolodziejzyk.”

  
Noel snorted, but quickly tried to hide it.

  
“What? What’s wrong with my name?” Cody tried to sound serious, but it wasn't really working.

  
“Nothing at all, Kolodziejzyk.” Noel pronounced it perfectly, first try.

  
Cody was impressed, despite himself.

  
Noel noticed Cody’s raised eyebrows and said, “I’m not gonna go for the obvious joke there, dude. It’s been done. Your name sounds like a sneeze, very funny.”

  
Cody rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Miller, let’s just go.” He adjusted his grip on his suitcase and waited as Noel carefully picked up his suitcase and Ollie’s carrier, one in each arm. He braced his suitcase out in front of him and Ollie behind him, preparing to heave himself through what still seemed like a fully solid concrete slab to him.

  
Sensing Noel’s nerves, Cody said casually, “That race is still on the table, you know.”

  
“Not fair,” Noel said, eyes still fixed on the blank wall in front of them. “You have way less stuff than me.”

  
Cody paused, studying the tenseness in Noel’s small frame. He thought about it for a moment, before saying, “We can just run through together, if you want.”

  
Noel blinked, turning to look at him. Cody, dressed to the nines in what _had_ to be considered fancy wizard robes and carrying what was simultaneously the oldest and most lavish suitcase Noel had ever seen, clearly fit into the world of magic far better than he could ever hope to. Noel was going to stick out like a sore thumb in his worn black hoodie and jeans, and that made him a target. Cody would have to be an idiot to stick around with him. An idiot, or a liar.

  
And yet, Noel got the sense that the offer was genuine. Cody relaxed his bag at his side and fixed him with a cautiously expectant expression.

  
“Okay,” Noel said, a tentative smile curling up the corner of his mouth.

  
Maybe this goofy-ass wizard school wouldn’t be so bad after all.

  
Cody nodded, bracing himself for a sprint. “Ready?”

  
Noel secured Ollie’s carrier underneath his arm and nodded back. “Set.”

  
They broke out into huge beaming smiles as they both exclaimed, just a little too loudly, “GO!,” and took off through the invisible gate.

  
Despite their unbalanced luggage, they matched each other's pace the entire way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked this story so far, i hope to keep working on this au consistently and get another chapter up in the next week or so!
> 
> thanks to tastes-like-piss and aleena-and-ollie on tumblr for inspiring me to actually make this
> 
> this is my first fanfic, be gentle
> 
> edit: fixed the eye color for u elon ;)


	2. A bit of banter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys ride the Hogwarts Express and banter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a little shorter, the chapter i was writing is taking (and going to be) a *bit* longer than expected. i swear the boys get Sorted next chapter, but for now here's a little update!

Talking to Cody was surprisingly easy. 

Noel felt comfortable with him pretty much immediately. There was no grace period where he had to figure out what he could say or do around him, no awkward silence after a joke landed flat. It was just… _easy_ , for once. 

In fact, the boys hadn’t stopped talking since they had entered their own compartment on the train over an hour ago. It had started with a little lighthearted teasing from Noel about Cody’s “dress robes”, which Cody had taken great offense to (“Man, at least I’m actually wearing the school uniform, unlike _someone_ here!”), and had only continued from there. Cody was eager to tell him everything he needed to know about both Hogwarts and the wizarding world at large, which Noel only partially retained despite his best efforts. Noel was appalled to learn that wizards didn’t make or even _watch_ movies, and proceeded to passionately explain the concept of film to Cody for the next twenty-five minutes. 

“We have moving paintings and pictures and stuff, but they mostly do their own thing.” Cody didn’t seem all that intrigued about the concept of Muggle film, much to Noel’s annoyance.

“You’ve figured out how to make people teleport anywhere in the _entire_ world, but you couldn’t figure out how to record video?” Noel said incredulously. 

Cody’s shrug was enough of an answer. 

Noel flopped back on his seat and groaned in frustration. 

“I didn’t realize you cared so much about Muggle stuff,” Cody said.

Noel looked back up at Cody, confused. “I lived in the Muggle world for my whole life. I didn’t even think magic existed until, like, a month ago. What else was there to care about?”

“Well, I mean… there’s… huh.” Cody looked like he was realizing something. 

“Have you never met a Muggleborn before?” Noel was joking, but Cody looked embarrassed. “Wait, really?” Noel sat up in his seat, stunned. 

“I… don’t think so.” Cody flushed. “Wizards don’t really interact with the Muggle world unless we have to, and that’s where all the Muggleborn kids are, obviously.” He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I might have met one at some point, but I wouldn’t know the difference.”

“So I’m your first Muggleborn friend, then.” Noel said it without thinking. 

He instantly regretted it as Cody’s eyes grew wide.

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make shit weird.” Noel’s face was burning up. _Goddammit, you idiot, you already fucked it up._ “I’m really sorry, um…”

Cody cut him off with a shake of his head. He pressed his lips together in an expression that Noel could already recognize as a purposefully suppressed grin. “Nah man, I just didn’t realize you were the sappy type.”

Noel reddened even more. “Fuck off.”

Cody burst out laughing, and everything was okay again.


End file.
